Kylia´s interview

Kylia: Tell me, why does Max drink? What is he running from? What is he afraid of?

Lily: Max drinks because it is his coping mechanism. He has seen it in his family. It has been his life for a long time, undetected. He is the original party king. He equates this with friendship. Max drinks even when he doesn’t want to. He is intelligent, and so this causes him even more distress. He is trapped in a cycle. He is running away from himself. He is afraid of himself, and of people not liking him the way that he doesnt like himself. Sometimes he is running away from me.

Kylia: Tell me what makes Lily so self-sacrificing, so willing to be there for someone who is never there for her?

Lily: I am not self sacrificing. I have an alcoholic mother (Ann) , sister (???) and brother (Ben) so I guess I´m less sensitive to the condition. I am intelligent, and understand Max.

Max is gentle, loving and kind. He is not thoughtful, or perhaps I could say too thoughtful! He thinks about stuff too much then almost believes his thoughts have come true, whilst the rest of the world is oblivious.

Max is the nicest person I’ve ever met and it’s his inherent need to do good that usually causes the hurt; his own lack of self worth, and sense of disappointing others (which he then does and the spiral continues).

Kylia: Tell me why they love each other, how they love each other?

Lily: We love each other because we understand each other. We do so very deeply and passionately. This means huge rows, great sex, lots of laughter and lots of noise. Our relationship has huge upturns and downturns which they both require. It’s a kind of twisted stability; out of order comes chaos...

Kylia: Does Lily cry at night when Max doesn't show up? Where does Max go when he wants to get away?

Lily: I cry, or I read book, or listen to Beethoven (thanks to anonymous, blog post 1). I paint, or get petulant and go meet friends and have a good time, but in the back of my mind I worry. Sometimes I just sleep. Sometimes it is difficult, sometimes it is not. It is often just a fact.

Max goes to bars where no one knows him. Max loses himself in the internet. Max eats lots. Max surrounds himself with friends. Max goes for long walks. Sometimes, I don’t know where Max goes, and neither does he.

Who am I?

My name is Lily. My boyfriend is alcoholic. His name is Max.

I am not trying to paint a bad picture of my life. I love my life, I love Max and Max loves me. Simple! What I am trying to do is give a glimpse, and get an answer to the question “Who am I?” (You should be familiar with that one, yourself).

Drinking is only a part of Max, and Max is only a part of me. It just happens that both have a lot of impact. What do I mean?

The impact:

1. Max does not turn up for work
2. Max not turn up at home
3. Lily does not eat or sleep
4. Max phones to say "meet me from the bus, I’m on my way" then is not there
5. Max has aggressive hangovers
6. Lily shouts when she doesn’t want to
7. Max feels hatred towards himself
8. Promises are made that can’t be kept, even though they’re meant

But this is not Max, and it’s certainly not Max everyday.

Max does not yet have a surname. He needs a name. Maybe this will help him. Maybe you can help him? Or do you need to know more?

Who am I?

It is always said that you should write about what you know. Yet people also say you shouldn´t air your dirty laundry in public (another cliche I despise). But I have good reason to write this. I am not real.

I am a character. Soon I will be appearing in a book, or the book will appearing through me. There are two reason for this blog.

1. I need to exist
2. I need to grow.

I am an alter ego, research and guidance. I am laced with truth and untruth. I have no idea where I will go, how I will impact the story or life. Yet, this is where it all begins. This is where I take form.

With your help. So tell me, "Who am I?"